Monthly Archives: February 2013

From pizza perfume to the perfect rose: The Perfumed Dandy’s Sunday Digest

As the final hour of the final day of the week reaches its close here in Old London Town, it’s the perfect opportunity for The Perfumed Dandy to reflect on the week’s doings in the world of scent and a little way beyond.

So five fine and (oops) dandy picks of a perfumed nature from the best of the interweb (is that not correct parlance?) to end the semaine…

1. Pizza Perfume

As if last December’s reports that Pizza Hut was launching it’s very own fragrance in Canada, smelling of a mixture of product and place, were not bad enough more troubling developments this week.

The Huff Post Style section regaled us all with news that, for a limited time only, the foodie fragrance was to be made available to the ‘lucky’ winners of a Valentine’s themed contest across the United States.

Fortunately, this was the shortest lived of all releases and The Dandy believes the offer is now at an end.

To console yourself why not catch a glimpse of the Huff Post Celebratory Photo Shoot.

Top notes of pepperoni and tomato sauce with a heart of basil and mozarella and an underlying base of dough anyone?

2. An unexpected fragrance fan to the end

Bal a Versailles was the subject of The Perfumed Dandy’s Classic Collection review this week.

The great animalic with the rococo themed bottle bottle was a great hit. But in the course of his research, The Perfumed Dandy discovered an unlikely fan… the late Michael Jackson.

Now normally, perfume houses’ websites are a mixture of advertising puff and beautiful images, but Jean Desprez the maker of Bal a Versailles waxes lyrical about the commitment of the former ‘King of Pop’ to their equally legendary scent.

Find out more by visiting the purple pages at Jean Desprez.

3. A sense of yesterday’s silver screen

Away from scent, but still in the realm of the stars, Vickie Lester‘s wonderful Beguiling Hollywood blog, well, just continues to beguile The Perfumed Dandy.

So The Dandy extends a warm salutation and congratulation to Ms Lester on news of the publication of her book.

To catch a sneak preview of the treat that awaits us on publication, why not have a look at this short excerpt from Vickie’s upcoming novel.

The Perfumed Dandy very much hopes for a party to send off the book on the scale of The 1927 Banquet to launch the Academy Awards pictured above.

4. Never be at a loss for words again

The only thing that strikes fear in an Academy Award Nominees’ heart (more than a wardrobe malfunction) is fluffing their speech should they be lucky enough to be taking Oscar home with them.

Such is the fear of a fragrance fiend struck dumb when searching for the mots justes to describe the intricacies of a new perfume of preference.

Well, dear friends, we should never be so afraid again, looking through the wonderful archives of Perfume Shrine I came across this lexicon of scented language and perfumed phrases that mean we shall never be short of a word or two on the matter of aroma.

5. The perfect rose

Unsurprisingly , given that a certain St Valentine’s Day was celebrated this week, a lot of consideration has been expended on the best rose perfumes that money can buy.

Indeed, even The Perfumed Dandy himself got in on the act not only by kicking proceedings off on the lovers’ day but also with his‘Thirteen roses for anyone feeling unlucky in love’

However, the prize for the best rose in show goes to Lucas of Chemist in a bottle.

Anyone who knows this young man’s work will be unsurprised by this vintage 2012 review of Atelier Cologne’s Rose Anonyme.

Prose quite a wonderful as the perfume.

So my delicately scented darlings, there concludes The Perfumed Dandy’s Sunday Supplement and another week ends and a new one begins.

Do join me over the days ahead for more adventures from this man all at sea on an ocean of feminine fragrance.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy
The Perfumed Dandy

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theperfumeddandy's avatarThe Perfumed Dandy.

20th Century Presents LANIER2

Lanier Smith is a remarkable man and a very great friend of The Perfumed Dandy.

He is also responsible for the truly exquisite site Scents Memory a collection of meditations on matters fragrant through the medium of remembrance.

Encompassing, film, travel and extraordinary personal stories in its perfumed posts it is one of most the moving and inspiring of all the blogs on the scented block.

For all of these reasons, and because he’s a pleasure to correspond with I’m delighted that Lanier Smith is the subject of the very first Sunday Supplement Inteview.

Q. I heard until quite recently you were a one cologne sort of a fellow. How so? And which fragrance was yours?

The first perfume I ever smelled was Evening in Paris by Bourjois. You know in the little blue bottle with the silver cap. The perfume Addie Loggins slathered herself with in…

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Arpege by Lanvin The Sunday Supplement Guest Review

Now Dearest Dearhearts, usually on a Sunday The Perfumed Dandy would at this time be welcoming a Special Guest Star to carry out a review, or lead us in a stinker of a debate.

However, this is a special day, the launch day of The Perfumed Dandy’s Sunday Supplement.

So, The Dandy has instead forgone his usual long weekend, packed his trunk and headed off to distant shores to deliver a Sunday Supplement Guest Review of his ownall the way on the west Coast of the United States of America!!

Yes, oh perfumed parvenues, The Dandy has popped in on his dear friend Lanier Smith at his splendid site Scents Memory and dropped off some words of wisdom on the fragrance known as…

Arpege by Lanvin

If you would like to attempt a similar feat of eye-popping trans-continental travel, you need do no more than click your pointer (I say!!) on the perfume’s image or name and you will be whisked away on a scented cloud to San Francisco where the review awaits you.

Be sure to return soon though (after properly exploring Mr Lanier’s pad) for I have an exclusive interview with the man himself coming up tout pres.

Pip pip.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy


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In today’s edition of The Perfumed Dandy’s Sunday Supplement

Hail well Fellow Travellers!

Has The Perfumed Dandy got a treat for you?

Oh yes he has!

In our first three part edition of The Perfumed Dandy’s Sunday Supplement The Dandy offers you treasure trove of riches.

A veritable downpour of delicately scented delights.

The Sunday Supplement Interview

20th Century Presents LANIER2

Lanier Smith is a remarkable man and a very friend great of The Perfumed Dandy.

He is also responsible for the truly exquisite site Scents Memory a collection of meditations on matters fragrant through the medium of remembrance.

Encompassing, film, travel and extraordinary personal stories in its perfumed posts it is one of most the moving and inspiring of all the blogs on the scented block.

For all of these reasons, and because he’s a pleasure to correspond with I’m delighted that Lanier Smith is the subject of the very first Sunday Supplement Inteview.

The Perfumed Dandy’s Special Star Guest

For its premier The Perfumed Dandy’s Special Star Guest takes an immediate and not altogether unexpected unexpected twist as The Dandy himself takes a turn as a guest reviewer on another brilliant blog.

But which website of wonder will it be? And who can say what scent!

Stay tuned to find out…

The Perfumed Dandy’s Digest

Ever your faithful servant The Perfumed Dandy has been scouring every corner of the interminable interweb for the choicest tidbits.

From Pizza Perfume to our final roses of St Valentine’s season, all are collected together in The Perfumed Dandy’s Digest.

So, my very veritable scented sweethearts do keep eyes and ears peeled for The Perfumed Dandy’s Sunday Supplement‘s three sections will be delivered throughout the day.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy

The Perfumed Dandy

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The Fragrance World’s Latest Star: Lanier Smith of Scents Memory: The Sunday Supplement Interview

20th Century Presents LANIER2

Lanier Smith is a remarkable man and a very great friend of The Perfumed Dandy.

He is also responsible for the truly exquisite site Scents Memory a collection of meditations on matters fragrant through the medium of remembrance.

Encompassing, film, travel and extraordinary personal stories in its perfumed posts it is one of most the moving and inspiring of all the blogs on the scented block.

For all of these reasons, and because he’s a pleasure to correspond with I’m delighted that Lanier Smith is the subject of the very first Sunday Supplement Inteview.

Q. I heard until quite recently you were a one cologne sort of a fellow. How so? And which fragrance was yours?

The first perfume I ever smelled was Evening in Paris by Bourjois. You know in the little blue bottle with the silver cap. The perfume Addie Loggins slathered herself with in “Paper Moon”.

Well the little girls in my school all had bottles of it and they reeked of this cheep Parisian glamour. They all strutted around pigtails and crinolines across the playground like snotty Rhoda Penmarks thinking they were the end all wearing that stuff. It was like going to school in Pigale!

My mother wore Chanel No.5 as did all the women in my family. That smelled like pure glamour to me. They got a new bottle each Christmas from my Uncle Bud. And of course Marilyn Monroe most famously wore it to bed, I remembered that always.

When I went away to college I saw a bottle of Chanel For Men in a drug store. (in America at the time Chanel Pour Monsieur was called “For Men”) This was in the early 1970’s and Chanel was trying to hit the masses by selling in drugstores here in America. It didn’t last very long when they realized it was cheapening the Chanel name to sell in such a common shop right next to the Band-Aids, aspirin and suntan lotion.

That 50ml bottle cost twenty five dollars and for a college kid at that time that was equivalent to One hundred forty one dollars today. So if I bought that bottle my allowance for the month was shot. There was no hesitation. I bought the bottle. I may have been starving but I smelled fabulous.

Mind you this was in the age of the Hippie and the scent of choice was patchouli oil or frangipani oil. Nobody wore perfume. So I stood out with my long Cher like hair and and tye-dyed tee shirts as the only hippie with style. I was besieged with questions as to what was that marvelous fragrance I was sporting. When I said Chanel For Men…well they were speechless.

So in it’s many forms and for many years I wore Chanel for Men, Pour Monsieur and Concentree as my only fragrance… That is until…well… all that changed.

Q. All that changed. Why?

Nothing new came into my olfactory life, only the bottle changed every couple of years. Then a good friend of mine, Steve died.

He was only 38 years old at his passing. I had the job of helping clean out his apartment. He had an interesting medicine cabinet. It was full of exotic bottles of Dior Fahrenheit and Calvin Klein Obsession, Van Cleef & Arpels. They ended up coming home with me. That was back in the late 90′s.

I used them and as they grew older I often thought I should get rid of these and buy something new. A few of them had turned. But I never did anything about it. Then about two and a half years ago I met a man, an actor and director in New York. We fell in love and he asked me to be his life partner. This unexpected man, Bryant Lanier, came at the beginning of my third act.

I had given up on ever having a life partner and was quite content to move into old age on my own. I was used to that and knew how to do it. Besides I enjoy being with me.

I had it all planned I was going to be magnificent like Katherine Hepburn.

On December 28th 2011 Bryant went to see an ear nose and throat doctor about a mild complaint. That night he was admitted to the hospital and the next day he was diagnosed with Leukemia.

Bryan Lanier as Spartacus by Joseph Moran

Bryan Lanier as Spartacus by Joseph Moran

Three weeks later on January 19th he died.

I was in shock.

He was planning to move from New York to San Francisco and begin a new life here. He wanted to build a small theater and create great shows for undiscovered talent. But he wasn’t going to do that now; he was going on a different trip. His friends packed up his apartment; his body was cremated and his ashes sprinkled in the sea in Key West. (He once told me he never wanted to go back there because that place held bad memories for him.)

When thinking about all of that I can hear Big Mama in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof talking to Maggie.

“Life never really turns out the way you expect it to.”

Elizabeth Taylor as Maggie in ‘Cat On A Hot Tin Roof’

A month later still numb unshaven and unwashed I opened my medicine cabinet. My bottle of Chanel Pour Monsieur was empty. Steve’s old bottles were looking sad. So I went shopping and bought a new bottle of Chanel, then a bottle of Versace Eau Fraiche, then a bottle of Givenchy this and Bulgari that.

I found the fragrance website Fragantica and began to learn about notes and olfactory groups and sub groups. I met really nice knowledgeable people there in the forums; I got out of bed on Saturdays again.

I began to review my newly purchased scents creating a screen name from my boyfriend’s last name, I became Lanier Smith, my nom de fume.

I began to shave and look in the mirror, I went shopping, I rediscovered life and laughter and the joy I always had for life. The world moves on and I rejoined it all because of something as ephemeral as a fleeting scent on my wrist.

Q. So that’s how you became involved in the world of fragrance criticism and blogging.?

Yes it is. My reviews on Fragantica were different than most and drew a lot of attention because I talked about how the fragrance awakened my memories and/or my imagination.

A story was always in there in that bottle of perfume.

It was my story and not the one that the perfumer or the ad men came up with, something personal to me that comes out of the bottle and speaks to me. Sometimes it is instantaneous, other times it takes a while to find the hook. I have even woken up in the morning with a word on my mind that was the key to the review. For one review on Leather Oudh by Dior the word I woke up with was “Wildfire”.

As time rolled on people at Fragantica started to ask why I didn’t have a blog? I didn’t think much of it until I wrote a thread called. “My Trip To Chanel, What Exclusifs Did Lanier Buy?” It added photos to that post and had such a fun time that I thought why not go all the way and do a blog.

Q. But your writing style is both unique and, if I may say so, quite expert. Had you written anything before?

I began my creative life as an actor in college but soon moved on to become a painter. During this time I wrote my first novel (now lost) about being a gay teenager in Southern California in 1969.

Joan Crawford by Lanier Smith

Joan Crawford by Lanier Smith

Something was missing.

At thirty-five I decide to write my second novel about my life at College a coming out story entitled “The Hand of The Hunter” it took me three years to write and was a real stinker. I had been bitten by the bug and realized that all my life I had been trying to tell stories.

Acting, painting, but it was writing that held the key for me.

I wrote my first and second novels on my father’s old college typewriter that was missing the A so I used @ for the A. I went to night school and took some short story classes. From then on I wrote off and on, I sold one story for fifty dollars to a gay literary magazine (the story is on my blog entitled “Glamour Bowl”) and some screenplays.

In 2005 I began to make Machinima films (this is a form of animation) my program was a game called “The Movies”. It was supposed to be a movie studio simulation game you could play on the computer but it had the capability to make films. An entire film community grew up online from it. I wrote all my screenplays, built and dressed the sets and hired (in the talkies) the voice actors.

My films were more or less homage to the golden age of Hollywood. Westerns, Film Noir, Romantic “Women’s Pictures” and a little epic that took two years to film; “Cleopatra”.

Cleopatra Image

The Perfumed Dandy: Ah… now I understand the poster shots!!

Yes. At the time of Cleopatra’s premier is when I first met Bryant. He attended the online world premier with me that was our first “date”. After Cleopatra I took a break and during that time the film community around The Movies collapsed. (You can still see the films on YouTube) I had done what I wanted to any way so I moved on. And here we are now.

Q. I mentioned earlier that your writing style is unique. two particular strands stand out: the movies and overseas travel. Are these particular passions of yours, or is it that like perfume they are means of transporting yourself away from the present?

I grew up in the movies and like our friend Vickie Lester of Beguiling Hollywood once said I have a talent to make life into a movie.

Lanier Smith c1955

Lanier Smith c1955

That is because of my up-bringing in the movies. My childhood in Los Angeles in the 1950’s was a time when television was new and hungry for things to fill the airwaves. So being in Hollywood and having connections to the studios the local stations ran old movies from the 30’s and 40’s all day long. It was the first renaissance of the movies. The first time Hollywood realized old films still had a life.

I got my education in film as a child watching films. And then on the weekend we went to the drive in or the local theater to see the great films that were coming out then.

My first movie memory is of that high crane shot of the old Cadillac streaking across the Texas prairie kicking up a cloud of dust as it roared toward that monstrous Victorian mansion in the middle of nowhere in “Giant”. Dmitri Tiomkin’s Score booming in resplendence in the brand new technology of stereophonic sound.

It was spellbinding to a five year old.

Lanier Smith c1960

Lanier Smith c1960

People of my generation and from that specific part of the Untied States, Southern California have a real love for film and a grasp of the enormity and scope of its history because we were all exposed to it after school and on the weekends. Norma Desmond said of silent film stars “We had faces then.”

Well, my peers and I had ears and eyes then and we soaked it all up.

So movies are my language, everything I know about art, love, religion, history, the world, I first learned in the front row at Gruman’s Chinese Theater. And mind you not just from Hollywood films but from the entire World Cinema. Movies always lead me to books and books are where I learned the truth about what was up on the screen. I was always bored in school because I somehow new that there was so much more to learn that what I was taught over and over by rote.

If I saw it on the screen and it interested me I had to learn all I could about it in a book; Ancient Rome, the Wild West, Queen Elizabeth I, Genghis Kahn, Outer Space, and a voyage to the bottom of the sea.

Movies also showed me the world. From them I knew I wanted to see Rome, and Paris, and London.

Lanier in Rome by Lane Tibbs

Lanier in Rome by Lane Tibbs

I wanted to see it all wider than CinemaScope in color more real than Technicolor. So my love of travel comes from the front row at Gruman’s too. But I have to tell you that real London, the Rome of today and the streets of Paris are much better than any movie I ever saw.

Movies were a window, never an escape.

And in Paris by Lane Tibbs

And in Paris by Lane Tibbs

Q. Back to your perfume journey, what would you say are the major discoveries you’ve made along the way? Not just new scents, but about yourself, your taste?

Oh now the hard questions! Hmmh. Well I have always been a person who wanted to understand who I am and what makes me unique into myself. So I think I have a pretty good handle of who I am and what makes me tick.

Here is a thumbnail of what I have discovered about me over years of contemplating my navel:

Lanier is 6’3″ tall, fine featured and a blend of both the masculine and feminine.

He dresses to the nines to go shopping, but if depressed prefers a nice classic pair of pajamas and an afternoon of movies on T.V.. Outgoing, shy, funny, sharp, smart, slow to anger quick to love: an introverted extrovert.

He has been a painter, a flag designer, a writer, a film maker, a bill collector, an expediter, a waiter, and nurse’s orderly. He has many acquaintances but only a few close friends.

He loves to be alone and finds that he is his own best company. He has always been able to entertain himself. He has imagination and pazzaz. He is theatrical and private. His interior world is so immense that when he falls asleep there is always an overture by a 70 piece orchestra.

He dreams in both color and black and white and often times shares the billing with a classic movie star or two.

Last night it was Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

But in relation to perfume and any changes that have come along in the last year because of my journey with scent that is not so easy to answer. I would say it is more about taste than personality.

I have learned that my taste in perfumes is rather un-American. I am not one to get all excited about a “Fresh clean” scent.

I like my laundry to smell fresh and clean but not my perfumes.

My tastes are for the exotic, the Orientals, and Chypre, Leathers and the Bad Girls of the perfume world.

I have learned that I don’t care much for many gourmands, there are a few but if it begins to take a turn for the carnival and I smell that unmistakable scent of the cotton candy machine that exploded next to the port-a-potty then I am out of here.

Q. And where do you go now – ever deeper into the forbidden garden of fragrance or will you branch out into writing or pursue your artistic career again?

The only way to answer that is to quote the wonderful Christopher Plummer as the Emperor Commodus in “The Fall Of The Roman Empire” (1964)

“If you listen closely, you can here the Gods laughing.”

Q. Just one final thing for The Dandy – or five final things, in fact. Could you name – one pick for each – a scent..

You love to wear: Mitsouko by Guerlain
You love to smell on other men: Chanel Sycamore
You love to smell on women: Chanel No.5
A fragrance you always recommend: Mitsouko by Guerlain
A perfume you would discourage a friend from buying at all costs: Fracas for Men! (by Robert Piguet)

The Perfumed Dandy: Lanier Smith, the scentsational star of Scents Memory, and an extraordinary human being, thank you for sharing your very human story with The Perfumed Dandy.

The remarkable ongoing adventures of Lanier and his travels both fragrant and trans-Atlantic can be found at Scents Memory, both the blog and the man come heartily recommended.

The Perfumed Dandy

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20 scents one never knew a man could wear!! The Perfumed Dandy’s Library Catalogue #1

Has The Perfumed Dandy mentioned that since starting out on his amazing adventure in the Wicked Wild West that is the World of Women’s Perfume he has amassed from dear readers an astonishing array of 400 suggestions of once forbidden ‘female fragrances’ that you consider fit for a gentleman to wear?

Well, The Dandy has most certainly mentioned it now!

Being ever one to share both the love and the wisdom, I have taken it upon myself to spread cognisance of these suggested scents far and wide each Saturday.

Such is the premmise of our weekly peek inside the The Perfume Dandy’s Library Catalogue.

What follows is the first installment of ’20 scents one never knew a man could wear’ that may tickle either your fancy or your funny bone…

If you would like to further the cause of one of the fragrances, getting it a step closer to the dizzying heights of The Perfumed Dandy’s Hit Parade kindly respondez-vous to this post.

Alternatively if you believe you have the perfect perfume for The Dandy but can’t see it listed below simply visit ‘Suggest a new scent or recommend an old one’ to put the name forward.

Chocks away!!

1. Serge Lutens Fleurs d’Oranger

Quite surprisingly, there has been remarkably little love for Monsieur Lutens’ lovelies thus far. A whole clutch have been recommended, but only two have ever made The Hit Parade and a solitary scent has got next to The Dandy‘s skin

2. Serge Lutens Un Bois Vanille

Though not normally a devotee of things vanilla, The Dandy adored Kenzo Jungle L’Elephant and has heard this bears something of a similarity. Could this be one to change M. Lutens’ luck? Lend it your support if you believe so!

3. Histoires de Parfums Tubereuse 1 Capricieuse

Tuberose is much to The Dandy‘s liking and he is constantly amazed that it should be considered off limits for gentlmen. Is this a fragrance that can trespass across the gender lines?

4. Histoires de Parfums 1969 Parfum de Revolte

This house of history is not one The Dandy has visited recently, but he’s always been one for the past, only your support can make him return in the near future.

One has so many memories of the smell of Paris in ’68, but they are not for publication I fear!!

5. Histoires de Parfums 1889 Moulin Rouge

En fin, a dash of red – what else? The City of Light, the Moulin Rouge, the year of the invention of modern perfume – the year of Jicky.

But does this scent cross the barrier between the sexes as effectively as Guerlain’s great? You decide!

6. Sonoma Scent Studio Voile de Violette

Ah, the violet. Vile though it is to some, it sings of the Spring to The Dandy. Will it sing to you too my dear correspondents?

7. Sonoma Scent Studio Vintage Rose

A true rose? Perhaps the influence of St Valentine has not yet faded. But should this niche fragrance hold a place in The Dandy‘s heart?

8. Etat Libre d`Orange Jasmin et Cigarette

What an intriguing name. One which conjures scentual reminiscences of some of The Dandy‘s most favourite power femmes. Is it so?

9. The Different Company Jasmin de Nuit

More jasmine and this time with something of the night about it. The Dandy is intrigued mes cheries but are you?

10. Parfums de Nicolaï Vanille Tonka

A perfume that invariably receives a whole lot of love on many a perfumed page. But do you share an admiration for this spicy delight sufficient for The Dandy to be sacrificed to it?

11. Amouage Dia pour Femme

Eau Dia… or Oh My Dia!! (eyebrow saucily raised). Please advice on the desirability of this dear.

12. Tom Ford Santal Blush

Would this cause The Dandy to colour if he wore it in public or is it an embarrassment of riches?

13. Guerlain Sous le Vent

I say!! The Dandy‘s always had an eye for the blondes. But would she be my type?

14. Frederic Malle Lipstick Rose

More roses, but which one is fit for The Dandy. I do so fancy myself in M. Malle’s Portrait of Lady though.

15. Frederic Malle Une Rose

Is this the single most appealing rose as the name would have us believe? Or just any other bloom?

16. Creed Jasmal

Not only has no scent from this feted fragrance maker made it next to The Dandy‘s skin during his experiment, but none has ever even graced The Hit Parade. Will Jasmal change this?

17. Stella McCartney Stella

Not only is The Dandy‘s prose purple on occasion but his clothes are too. Could our Stella form the perfect match in more ways than one?

18. Parfum d`Empire 3 Fleurs

Certainly an imperious perfume in appearance, would it go down royally as part of The Dandy‘s day-to-day wear?

19. Creed Love in Black

A second and very striking (almost empire striking back) entrant from Creed. But is it good enough to make the cut?

20. By Kilian Love by Kilian

Oh, how appropriate that we should end with some Love By Kilian. But is it loved by you?

My goodness a clutch of certain houses, a lot of roses and quite a bit of love this week – who’d think St Valentine’s Day had just passed by!!

I know I’m repeating myself but… If you would like to further the cause of one of the fragrances, getting it a step closer the dizzying heights of The Perfumed Dandy’s Hit Parade kindly respondez-vous to this post.

Alternatively if you believe you have the perfect perfume for The Dandy but can’t see it listed below simply visit ‘Suggest a new scent or recommend an old one’ to put the name forward.

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The Perfumed Dandy’s Classic Collection: Bal a Versailles by Jean Desprez

1789

The floor of the Hall of Mirrors is filled with fractured glass.

Marie Antoinette skips gaily across the shards in untied ballet shoes and bonnet atop her seventy two inch face: six feet from chin at base through powdered visage and scaffolded hair above.

The queen and women of her toilette encased in immense dresses a la Polonaise are costumier conjurers’ sleights of hand in damasks, plain silks, laces, bustles, embroiders, and petticoats, petticoats, petticoats.

They have come to disdain the deliberately deranged destruction of the night before. To review the revels and not speak of revolution.

Around them a haze of powder hangs in heavy air. They beg to deceive with orange blossoms, roses, jasmines and musk. But the nose cannot be fooled.

Despite their perfumed protests this place is menagerie not orangery.

Their very gowns give them away: nothing can counterfeit the crust of human excreta that forms on every surface.

The sweat of the near-extinguished attic seamstress infuses every sewn detail of the skirts; the drool of the fawning courtier in search of sexual and political favours forms dried rivers on each sleeve; a distressing, animal dampness rises from decolletages disturbed by distant cousins’ amourous graspings.

And all around, amongst the fallen soldiers of the soon to be ancien regime: felled by drink, excess and fornication, an unseen feral mob is rising too.

Beneath floors and between walls, in attics and unused ante chambers a mass of minks swirls with civets and the escaped sheep of a pet farm, together feeding on crumbs of the vanilla cake of a court that has banished bread.

‘More powder!’ commands our monarch and asks her resins be brought forward to staunch the stench. But no amount of balsam can retrench the putrid perfume of a palace in its death throes.

From a grand salon far off in a distant wing of her vast sarcophagus she catches music in three four time and begins involuntarily to dance.

One slither of a mirror slices through her shoe and draws a steady line of blue blood from her pale royal skin.

Death is in the room and will not depart.

Bal a Versailles is a dangerous, irresistibly repugnant scent for men and women prepared to dance the dance of death. For all its wondrous beauty nothing can disguise the beating of its monstrous bestial heart.

Amongst its resinous superfluities beyond the brief orange opening there may be flowers and powder a plenty but this is an unappologetically animal aroma with a zoological garden of tooth and claw.

With silage the size of a herd of wildebeest and longevity the length of an elephant’s memory this is not a commitment to be taken likely.

Accept its invitation and you are bid welcome to the wildest party of a lifetime, but stay too long and you too may succumb to the guillotine’s blade.

But hell is worth the risk!!

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The Perfumed Baker’s dozen: Thirteen roses for anyone feeling unlucky in love 

If a Dandy can’t love himself who the devil’s going to love a Dandy?

Well, so say I.

And yet, as souls sleep in the East, the public houses of London call last orders and people all over the Americas prepare for home time there will be Dandies and Dandiladies who are unhappy, unsatisfied and frankly insatiable.

But why? I hear you cry.

Well, dear fiends, they have been unlucky in love.

They may be with many or entirely without lovers. Indeed they may enjoy lovers and love of the highest order. That is not the kernel of their disappointment. They are be-fretted Dearhearts for they have not had their olfactory needs met.

Their noses have been ignominiously ignored. Or, worse still insulted with silly low grade scents.

Fear not for The Perfumed Dandy is on hand with a hastily assembled receipt for aromatically induced happiness. What follows is a list of 13 – oh yes, a Baker’s Dozen, one above the average – fine rose scents both reasonable and tres cher that in this Dandy’s view can be worn equally as well by Man or Woman.

So my pink petals of perfumed petulance, if you seek solace search no more. Consult the The Perfumed Dandy‘s list and on way to habitation tonight or as soon as merchant opens in the morning and indulge yourself in the gift you truly deserved.

For, to paraphrase that green-carnationed acquaintance of mine ‘everything in life should be resisted except temptation’.

1. L’Aimant by Coty

Do not recoil in horror my Dandyphiles. For on closer examination this ages old nearly-but-not-No5 is actually a stalwart of the scented community. Her brusque manner with a blunt waft of aldehydes at the start set to one side, she warms into a smiling sandalwood and rose affair with a warm heart. Endings with her are all afternoon teas and vanilla biscuits.

If you really want to do a dowager, the way to play the grande dame here is to oil up with the body lotion, powder down with the talcum, give yourself a whizz of body mist all before applying perfumed creme behind the ears and spraying on the parfum de toilette. And given the prices being charged all this can be achieved for the same price as two goes on the pump with an Amouage.

2. Kelly Caleche by Hermes

The Dandy can picture the marketing meeting. Take the Kelly bag: iconic, perennially fascinating, occasionally totally on trend. Wheel out Caleche, that old thin lizard of an aldehyde, and bring them together in’a pink liquid’ and a rather gimmicky bottle with trinket catch. Surely we have a licence to print money, no?

Well they didn’t reckon on two things: one, the fickleness of the young female public who never really seem to have gone with the concept and, two, Jean-Claude Ellena’s capacity to surprise with even the dullest of briefs.

What we have here is a sparse airy rose floral paired with a pared down version of Hermes signature leather.

Do not let the sickly citrus at the beginning fool you, this a complex and competitive scent suitable for both sexes.

3. Potrait of a Lady by Frederic Malle

Not much to say here: a rose bush, a rose garden, acres of roses, a whole Royal Park of the beautiful things.

A little smoke, a touch of patchouli, subtle spice and sharp summer fruits.

Simple? Yes. Well? No. Its perfect execution just makes it seem so.

4. Declaration d’Un Soir by Cartier

One of the most complex mass market ‘male’ scents out there that totally belies this house’s somewhat unfair staid image.

South Asian spices and pepper come together to (almost) form an analogue of an oud that introduces a perfectly cultivated but intentionally imperfect rose that starts cleanly and then decays over a long summer of a night. It’s grand and grand on everyone.

5. English Rose by Yardley

This crew started making soaps over two centuries ago and along the way they picked up powders and lotions and ultimately scents. First in their signature lavender range and now in around a dozen or more faux ‘soliflores’.

The English Rose is just lovely, simple and honest and honestly flower-like. There are geraniums, some white flowers and the obligatory powdery musk here, but they do little or nothing to detract from the main event.

You will need to desperately over apply, or double up on products – the assumption one assumes – to make any real impact, but at these prices who can complain. Great for bed and even better for layering particularly with spicy woods for men.

6. La Nuit de Paco Rabanne by Paco Rabanne

Oh my goodness gracious. If ever there was a contrast with the Diary of an Edwardian Lady politesse above, this is it.

As dark, dank, skanky and utterly animalic a floral scent as you’re ever likely to find these days.

There’s a beautiful, slightly antisceptic rose at the centre of this but you’ll have to fight the hoard of mediaeval warriors and mythical beasts out the way to get at it.

Triumphant. A tragedy that it seems to be being or has been discontinued.

Made for women the Dandy is reliably informed that, from the start, this has always been appropriated by men.

7. Oud Ispahan by Christian Dior

What to say – the souk, the strange wood and woodsmoke, the tannery, the mysterious man, the sweat, the stolen kisses.

A Persian epic of a perfume that starts all Oud and then goes gooey resinous rose that washes itself clean with time.

Incredible longevity on the Dandy‘s ‘haven’t eaten for a week’ hungry skin.

Why, on asks, do houses even bother denoting pretend genders on these high end niche offerings?

8. Sa Majeste la Rose by Serge Lutens

It’s all in the name. If one wants the royalty of rose scents this is just the ticket.

Roses, honey, honey bees, some of the nice and not so nice things they land on.

What’s all that jasmine queen of florals rose king of florals stuff again? Look, to the Dandy‘s mind you don’t have to be royal to wear this ergo…

9. Nuit de Noel by Caron

Bizarre imported rosebush in a bottle. As if someone tried to compress an entire European attempt at an oriental garden into a scent and then it all just went nicely horribly wrong with everything except the roses and a stray ylang ylang escaping.

This always makes the Dandy think of the far east between the wars, of desperate and disfunctional diplomats – second consuls in unhappy marriages pretending at Christmas in ninety percent humidity.

One of the best Caron perfumes around and the perfect expression of that house’s central accord.

The Dandy wore this festively this holiday and received more compliments on his smell than he can remember in a good many a year.

10. Hammam Bouquet by Penhaligons


Stepping forward all dapper in an immaculately tied dickie bow he’s an upfront and honest Euro-centric attempt at a fake oriental rose. The whole effect actually does resemble something of the smell of a better Turkish bath – including the detergent and medicinal notes.

This is potent and potently floral stuff and insofar as the Dandy has signatures this is one of his marques. However, it’s easy to see both men and women shying away from it’s antique intensity while others just as gladly embrace it, tweeds, flannels and all.

The Dandy adores the stuff.

Only ever to be worn with confidence and a good dash of insouciance.

11. Amouage Memoir Man or Woman

On reflection, I think the Dandy far prefer’s Woman to Man in this case, though both are very much to be sniffed at. A surprising choice many of you may feel as rose is buried down beneath a pile of stronger notes, most notable spices, leather and smoke. However, for the Dandy at least, our flower of the day comes riding through on a jasmine white charger to steal the show in the later stages of the scent.

When she does she’s just breathtaking.

This house as a whole draws from an ancient tradition of perfumery that is not nearly as gender specific as today’s. As such the Dandy takes what he can from where he can.

Indeed given the tres cher nature of things in these parts all crumbs from the table are gratefully received.

12. Saffron Rose by Grossmith

A personal hobby horse of the Dandy‘s and one he is slightly affeard to share with all and sundry. But, as I am amongst friends, and on condition you will spread the word no further… This is a masterpiece.

The Dandy‘s view is that masterpieces require no introduction and should be allowed to reveal themselves to you in their own time.

As such an uncharacteristic silence will now fall.

13. The Noble Rose of Afghanistan by The 7 Virtues

To be broken only with a fanfare of hope.

The Dandy‘s final fragrance is the result of a truly brave enterprise. A daring Canadian entrepreneur decided for both personal and professional reasons to Make Perfume Not War. She applies this dictum quite literally.

A tiny house by global standards, The 7 virtues operates on the basis of working with local producers in war torn and disaster stricken regions around the world to source ingredients and on the principle of paying above market rates to stimulate the local economy and, in the case of Afghanistan, dissuade farmers from other far less benign cash crops.

Do not be deceived, however, the purchase of this perfume on your part is not an act of charity for it is truly a noble scent.

Like much of the nobiltiy it makes every attempt to keep its blood line clean, so this is not a convoluted or over complex rose in any way.

What it does it to be a pure rose perfume and that it does excellently.

And what better way to conclude, dear friends, than with a fragrance not only to console your lovelorn hearts but through which to communicate your love out to the world.

In matters of the heart, so the Dandy believes, it is best to both give and receive.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy

The Perfumed Dandy

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Un premier amour… a first love … Cabochard by Parfums Gres

So Dear Friends, Fellow Travellers even, the momentous start to our journey and what better port of call could there be on this St Valentine’s Day than the city of love itself: Paris.

The place where I first lost my heart to women’s perfume.

Our destination? The Atelier of Madame Gres.

It was his first time in France and in love.

And she? She was the perfect Parisienne. For him at least, for that moment at least.

In knee length boots and battered Bader-Meinhoff leather coat, belted tight at the waist in a bow, she was the embodiment of lived in Left Bank chic.

A brunette, she blew the tobacco’ed air of Gitanes Legeres Blondes into his face and ruffled his hair with lacquered fingernails.

She turned cigarette packets between her fingers in a way she joked made the lady dance. She swore she would stiffly sway through a flamenco for him one day. Though they both knew she would not.

And all the time the smell of polish and hairspray and smoke hung around her like an expectant cloud waiting to take her back to heaven. From where he fancied she had come.

She was of vintage stock. A ’68 perhaps with a tang of mossy cold stone cobbles ripped from the rues about her, the taint of blood in her red hair hue. Or perhaps earlier still, from a time of existential post war cafe culture chatter.

Either way she was undoubtedly chateau Boulevard St Germain.

Where others saw signs of age and worn away good looks he perceived only beauty braced across amazing bone structure and he happily played attendant to her vast intelligence.

That summer he took the metro each day to the Bois to gather her wild geraniums from its faux fields. Occasionally he would risk a rose robbed from the Jardins du Luxembourg.

But he knew his blooms could not buy her fidelity, he knew he could not keep her.

Faithful only to herself and her own sense of self possession, she disappeared in furious flurry of smoke just as she had arrived, leaving only the amber glow of the outline of where she had once stood.

Today he sees the City of Lights through older, wearier eyes.

Yes there are headstrong young women everywhere he looks, yet none have the selfish generosity of his lady of the leather, lacquer and undanced flamenco.

How he misses her.

*************

Cabochard by Gres is not what she was. Of that there can be no denying.

Today though still beautiful she has the bleak, too bony and hollow-eyed look and feel of a fashion model on the brink of despair.

But catch examples of her in her heyday and a different woman awaits you.

The ultimate in leather clad confidence, she is the chemical queen always on the lookout for a male sidekick. But for all this flint and bone oakmoss structure, the old girl could put on the curvaceous when she needed to: summoning up concupiscent curls of rose, orris root and sage seemingly on demand.

These have largely been withered away to today’s etiolated example that can call only on watered down jasmine and synthetic, if satisfying, amber for strength.

Do not dismiss the latest headstrong girl because she’s still tougher than most men in the room. It’s just unfortunate she’s not the force of nature her foremother was.

But we will always have the memories.

We will always have Paris…. and Paris belongs to all of us, men and women alike.

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From London… The Perfumed Dandy bids you ‘Welcome and Happy Saint Valentine’s Day’

In the small hours of this St Valentine’s Morning from the The Old Smoke, our ancient city on the Thames, The Perfumed Dandy extends his love to you and bids you welcome to this, the story of his journey to the precious places of women’s perfume.

His evening toilette completed and all domestic duties duly dealt with, he is about to retire, but before he does so he offers you a glimpse of the pleasures that await us on this the first St Valentine’s Day in our delightful company…

And what better way to start the day than with a trip to the City of Light, to gai Paris… for a story of The Perfume Dandy‘s own ‘Un Premier Amour’, the first of the The Perfumed Dandy’s Scented Letters will arrive as all gentlemen of quality in the French capital complete their levee and are ready to embark upon their day.

Once this magical tale of our gentleman’s first encounter with feminine fragrance has been dispatched, we are free to go our own ways for a few hours to explore the cobbled rues, the quais and even the Monsiuer Eiffel’s Tour if so we please.

But mind that we’re all gathered back together in time to rendez-vous with our cousins across the Pond, for we will be meeting them mid morning (their time) for a cafe au lait and to present them with A Baker’s Dozen Red Roses for the Unlucky in Love. Or alternatively the all too lucky in lust.

This very lovely list comprises gifts for any lady or gentleman of quality – such as The Perfumed Dandy knows you all to be – to happily console yourselves with should the trinkets others have showered upon you fail to satisfy.

For if a Dandy doesn’t love himself who will love a Dandy?

As dusk descends on London Town, those not in receipt of evening invitations can turn their thoughts to the future, pop a few corks of their own and take their pick from the first edition of The Perfumed Dandy’s Hit Parade.

In so doing you will be deciding where The Perfumed Dandy‘s adventures take him next, selecting no less than a scent for him to wear and then report to yourselves on the very same smell in due course.

As the fizz flattens out and the bubbles fade away so our first day with The Perfumed Dandy draws to its close.

Tired and, no doubt in some cases, a little emotional. We will find our way to our handsome berths and snuggle into sleep, happy with our day’s adventuring and ready for the off the very next dawn.

For come morning we hunt scent a new.

So welcome all and ‘Happy St Valentine’s Day’.

Thus our fragrant foray begins.

Your ever

The Perfumed Dandy. The Perfumed Dandy

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