Pure poetry… L’Encens Mythique D’Orient by Guerlain A Special Guest Review by The Collector

The Perfumed Dandy is delighted to welcome a very special new guest critic.

The Collector is one of the very most refined of all the many connoisseurs of the art of perfumery that The Dandy has ever met, the scope of his knowledge and the precision of his analysis are only surpassed by his wisdom.

It is therefore my very great pleasure to introduce the first of what I hope will be many reviews by The Collector

I have worn this scent every day for nearly a fortnight.

I have broken my own rule regarding avoiding other reviews while attempting to pen my own.

I have been certain of how to translate this sensory experience into words, then lost, certain again, and lost once more.

Myth is an invitation into the labyrinth.

The explorer considers and contemplates, discovers meaning in the myth only to find, with introspection, that they have discovered something about themselves, not a quality inherent in the object of their study.

The temptation analyzing any myth is to provide a discourse as endless as the memories and thoughts to which it gives fleeting life.

The meaning of a single passage of myth in the Aeneid, as detected by James Frazier, drove a twelve volume magnum opus.

Thierry Wasser evokes in this fragrance all the power and complexity of myth, not with scholastic detail and complexity, but poetic force and simplicity.

The poetry of this fragrance lies in the seeming simplicity of its exposition.

There are only three notes of significance, rose, ambergris and the titular Encens- Olibanum, or Louban in proper Arabic.

All other notes are present solely to emphasize and complete the presence of these three.

Just as the true poetry, per Robert Graves, is the retelling of myth: organically remembered ancient religious rites and practices, so Encens Mythique D’Orient is a true perfume, smelling of the rose before all other roses, the most rare expression of the sea, and the first of the precious resins.

The rose note is soft and contains great breadth, it is not the scent of any particular rose but of being intimately in the presence of real roses.

Not just the smell of the flowers, but the cut green stems and the sharp, citric taste of the petals, which are provided by a dose of aldehydes and orange blossom.

The ambergris is unctuous, quietly vibrant with the potential for salty animalic expression.

It is a clean skin that can sweat, exude oils, project fear or passion. A drop of moss adds an earthy bitterness that rounds this element and further emphasizes its human quality.

The Encens is the most clear and remarkable note.

This is not the smell of burning incense, but of the purest resin from the Boswellia Sacra.

I have had the pleasure to visit some of the high wadis of Dhofar in Oman where the most precious variety of Olibanum, Hojari, is harvested and to pluck a few pure white tears of the resin from the trees. The note contained within this perfume recalls the scent perfectly.

It is sweet yet dusty, with a sharp element that is often compared to pine but is more green, fresh and without any turpenic aspect; there are also hints of lemon and honey and light dry woods.

The elements of this perfume are clear, but the development, and the perception of the elements has only one consistency, proof of the brilliance of the composition.

With every wearing a clear narrative emerges.

At first I was prepared to write of how this was an elegy to ambergris with rose emphasizing through harmony the sweet and sour aspects of the smell while the olibanum did the same for the salty and sharp elements.

But when I wore it again, to refine and detail this conclusion, it was the the scent of olibanum that dominated, with its dusty, lemony sweet aspects supported and enriched by the distant sweetness, green and tang of rose and its woody resinous quality enhanced by the unctuous and bestial quality of the ambergris.

These were not different takes upon the same scent, but entirely different experiences.

Perhaps a mild allergy or sniffle had altered my perceptions?

So the effort continued, another day confirming one or the other until it manifested itself as a rose perfume, again structured as before, but this time with the olibanum and ambergris in support of a central rose theme.

As I became aware of each of these iterations, they became apparent constantly, sometimes each manifestation would appear as a skin scent when I put my nose to my arm, sometimes a different variation would reach my nose as a waft of air drifted up. It would open as rose and dry down to ambergris, or open as olibanum and dry down to rose.

Frustrated, and thinking it would not be possible to write a coherent review of Encens Mythique, I looked at some other reviews to try to get some idea of the correct interpretation of these notes and their proper structure.

Instead I found, among the first three well respected reviewers I consulted, one paean each to a brilliant rose perfume, a work of genius with ambergris, and the perfumer’s most noble expression of olibanum.

And then it was clear, this perfume is Mythique.

Not in that it contains a precious resin, but in its very quality.

It does not have the quasi-literary narrative structure of an opening, middle notes and a dry down.

It is myth, it is poetry, it grasps at the unconscious and manifests itself in the manner that any given time commands, time that can be an entire day or a single sniff.

It is three simple notes, each formed so that it can be equally facile in a leading role or as part of a supporting tandem.

It is three notes that with each wearing, each perception of change in their respective roles, become more captivating to the nose and the mind.

They dance around each other, not in a circle, but in a triple helix, always rising but never converging.

Is this a scent that you would enjoy?

It is.

Setting aside the descriptive flourishes, a minimalist rose perfume with a structure very much in keeping with two other recent successes in this genre: Cartier’s Declaration d’un Soir and the Different Company’s Rose Poivree. If you enjoy either of these simple but well structured rose scents that lack any particularly overbearing aspect, you will very likely enjoy Encens Mythique.

*************

Finally, out of courtesy to my host, I must answer The Question: is it a scent for a man or a woman?

The triune nature of this perfume utterly rejects the question.

Boswellia Sacra of Dhofar, Oman. Lent by The Collector

Quite exquisite, both perfume and prose.

All that is left is for The Dandy to express his enormous gratitude to The Collector for the wonderful review and extend an open invitation to him to return at a time of his wishing.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy.
The Perfumed Dandy

9 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

The Perfumed Dandy’s Happy Mothering Sunday Supplement

On the occasion of of Mothering Sunday, also known as Mother’s Day, here in the United Kingdom, The Perfume Dandy tips his hat and and presents a bouquet of flowers to mothers, grandmothers matriarchs everywhere.

Hurrah for mamas!!

The tradition in this part of the world derives from the practice of Christians returning to their mother church on the second Sunday in lent and combining the pilgrimage with a visit home to celebrate the day with their own mater.

Today as with Mothers Days in other parts of the world the occasion is marked with flowers, special meals and the giving of gifts…

All of which leads me to 10 scented last minute suggestions for sons and daughters who have perhaps mislaid their presents home… the shops here in London open at midday, so you better get your skates on!

1. The Earth Mother: Eau de Campagne by Sisley

Possibly the most naturally green and garden-like scent ever created. Herbs and grass and tomato plant combine in a light and joyful way that’s perfect for the woman who likes to be with her plants!

2. The Spring is in the Air Mother: L’Essence by Balenciaga

Violets are one of the essential scents of the Spring and this tender perfume from the reinvigorated Balenciaga has a spring in its step, and knows how to celebrate. Click on the image above for a The Perfume Dandy’s review.

3. The Grand (Dame) Mother: Shalimar by Guerlain

Let’s not forget the grand dames out there and indeed the grandmothers. Whilst The Dandy doesn’t believe for a minute in the idea of ‘old lady’ perfumes, Shalimar is the ultimate fragrance for rekindling the flames of a fabulous past.

4. The Unflappable Mother: L’Histoires de Parfum 1826

Inspired by the last French Empress, Eugenie, “The Beauty of Granada”, this is a cologne on turbo charge with patchouli and amber to back up citrus and floral notes. One for a woman who takes everything in her stride.

5. The Foodie Mother: Un Bois Vanille by Serge Lutens

Every mother knows the best bit of a creme brulee is the slightly burnt sugar on top! Giving a darker edge to the cult of vanilla, Lutens’ fragrance of for the discerning gourmand.

6. The Flower Power Mother: Do Son by Diptique

There ain’t no bloom bigger than a tuberose. If you want to say it with (bottled) flowers Diptyque’s elegant take on the most forceful personality in the floral world is a wonder.

7. The Glamour Mother: First by Van Cleef and Arpels

If you want to demonstrate to the mama that she is still the main event then putting her First would not be a bad move. Arguably bigger than the current No. 5 and deeper than Patou’s Joy, this huge aldehyde, floral animalic drips old style glamour like practically nothing else on the market.

8. The Tough (Love) Mother: Cuir de Russie by Chanel

We all know that all mother’s are the boss, but some mothers are The Boss, for the woman who likes her place in pole position and knows how to rough house it with the boys nothing beats Chanel’s great leather.

9. The Never Forgotten Mother: Private Collection by Estee Lauder

Not every mother will be with us today, or any other day. Estee Lauder’s masterful rendering of chrysanthemums and an almost transcendental sense of cleanliness is a perfect way to remember.

10. The Dandy’s Mother: Narcisse Noir by Caron

With its breathtaking scent of daffodils, the national flower of the Dandy’s homeland, and its sense of dignity and serenity, this is The Dandy‘s personal choice. If you’d like to hear more, more words are a mere click away…

Of course, every mother is different, unique and special in her own way and The Dandy only makes these suggestions for your convenience and consideration.

Perhaps you have alternative perfumed thoughts? If so please do share…

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy

The Perfumed Dandy

23 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Yet 20 more scents one never knew a man could wear!! The Perfumed Dandy’s Library Catalogue #3

Has The Perfumed Dandy mentioned that since starting out on his amazing adventure in the Wicked Wild West that is the World of Women’s Perfume he has amassed from dear readers an astonishing array of almost 500 suggestions of once forbidden ‘female fragrances’ that you consider fit for a gentleman to wear?

Well, The Dandy has most certainly mentioned it now!

Being ever one to share both the love and the wisdom, I have taken it upon myself to spread cognisance of these suggested scents far and wide each Saturday.

Such is the premise of our weekly peek inside the The Perfume Dandy’s Library Catalogue.

What follows is the third installment of ’20 scents one never knew a man could wear’ that may tickle either your fancy or your funny bone…

If you would like to further the cause of one of the fragrances, getting it a step closer to the dizzying heights of The Perfumed Dandy’s Hit Parade kindly respondez-vous to this post.

Alternatively if you believe you have the perfect perfume for The Dandy but can’t see it listed below simply visit ‘Suggest a new scent or recommend an old one’ to put the name forward.

Allons-y!!

1. Robert Piguet Futur

The re-imagination or reconstruction of this house’s back catalogue has been one of the most notable of perfume events of recent years. Is Futur up to the standard set by the feisty Fracas and the rough, tough Bandit?

2. Hermes Caleche

Once a classic aldehyde and a favourite of forthright women everywhere, some say that its bite is gone. What thinks you? Is it still worth a ride in this carriage?

3. Van Cleef & Arpels First

So ‘First’ becomes the second once austere aldehyde to join the list today. This has returned to stores everywhere in London of late and seems to be enjoying a renaissance. Is this deserved?

4. Cacharel Anais Anais

The porcelain flacon, the deep floral aroma and it’s near ubiquity amongst very young ladies at a certain point in my past means I have quite fixed memories of this fragrance – is it time to change them?

5. Juliette Has A Gun Lady Vengeance

A house that always impresses with robust perfumes that live up to their roughty tufty names. Is it time to allow this lady to exact her vengeance?

6. Jean Charles Brosseau Ombre Rose L’Original

A truly classic rose perfume by all accounts and one that I am entirely unacquainted with. Could now be the time for an introduction?

7. Weil Antilope

An original… but way passed its best? Is it even wearable these days? Do let me know…

8. Guerlain Apres l’Ondee

Given the huge respect in which this fragrance appears to be held, it’s a constant surprise that it has received so little love here these few months. One wonders… why?

9. Guerlain Chamade

I refer reader to the question I posed some moments ago. A classic, no?

10. Parfums de Nicolaï Maharadjah

Someone recently remarked that it was the ordinary bottles that had always held this house back… is this the case or is there another reason not to try?

11. Hermes Elixir des Merveilles

A flanker to be true, but is this one a worthy cousin to the eminent Hermes skin scent?

12. Bottega del Profumo Via Margutta

I know nothing at all about this, so must await an education… if you wish it so!

13. Jacomo Art Collection by Jacomo #02

One hears so many good things about Jacomo, can they all be true?

14. Elie Saab Le Parfum

The omniscent of the moment in London, that comes from the portfolio of an eminent nose and has had some critics applauding. I am, I admit, intrigued.

15. Divine L’inspiratrice

Again, I’m in the dark, is it worth turning the light on for some inspiration?

16. Guerlain Jardins de Bagatelle

A Guerlain that divides. Even devotees of the house often reserve a harsh word or twenty for this release. Has it really earned this mixed reception?

17. Guerlain Liu

My goodness, it’s quite a day for Guerlain today! This one’s unfamiliar territory for me, which excites, I must confess…

18. Mariah Carey Forever

Sometimes one feels this lady’s vocal histrionics could last an eternity, will I want the scent to stop as much?

19. Marchesa Parfume d’Extase

The name alone sends a quiver through one, is it worth the shakes?

20. Rochas Femme Rochas

There’s quite a lady behind the design of this flacon… and you can find out more about where those curves came from too… by looking up Mae West sometime!

I know I’m repeating myself but… If you would like to further the cause of one of the fragrances, getting it a step closer the dizzying heights of The Perfumed Dandy’s Hit Parade kindly respondez-vous to this post.

Alternatively if you believe you have the perfect perfume for The Dandy but can’t see it listed below simply visit ‘Suggest a new scent or recommend an old one’ to put the name forward.

20 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Celebrating International Women’s Day: Ten Inspirational Women and their Good Scents

Her Majesty Elizabeth II born 1926

Queen of the United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, the Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Belize, Antigua and Barbuda and Saint Kitts and Nevis.
Sovereign for more than 61 years.
Head of the Commonwealth of Nations of 54 sovereign states and more than two billion citizens.
Mother, grandmother, great grandmother.
The most painted and photographed person in history.
A symbol of constancy in a world of perpetual flux.

“During the past sixty years you have offered to your subjects and to the whole world an inspiring example of dedication to duty and a commitment to maintaining the principles of freedom, justice and democracy…”
Pope Bedict XVI, 2012

From her choice of fragrances we can perhaps conclude Her Majesty is something of a perfumista…

Fleurissimo by Creed

Muguet du Bonheur by Caron

L’Heure Bleue by Guerlain


“Grief is the price we pay for love.”

Yoko Ono born 1933

Artist, musician, peace campaigner, philanthropist, optimist.
Japanese New Yorker.
Life long radical.

“…an elder stateswoman of cool; a reminder of what New York used to be before it was taken over by hedge fund types.”
New York Times, 2012

And an occasional wearer, along with rosewater and witch hazel, of…

“War is over if you want it.”

Dame Shirley Veronica Bassey born 1937

Singer.
Oscars sensation at 76.
Mr Bond’s ultimate golden girl.
Dame of the British Empire.

“…Shirley Bassey saves the Oscars”
LA Times, February 2013

Impeccable taste in the perfume department too…

Chant d’Aromes by Guerlain

“It’s hard for a man to live with a successful woman – they seem to resent you so much. Very few men are generous enough to accept success in their women.”

Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton born 1947

Former first lady of Arkansas
Former First Lady of the United States
Former United States Senator from New York
67th United States Secretary of State
45th President of the United States?

“The second most powerful woman in the world…. one day perhaps the most powerful person on the planet…”
Forbes Magazine, 2012

And the choice of perfume… one couldn’t make it up…

“If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”

Mary Jane “Mae” West 1893 – 1980

Actress, playwright, screenwriter.
Broadway bad girl, Hollywood trailblazer, scourge of the censors.
Crusader for equal pay and status.
Pre feminism proto-post-feminist.
The original sex symbol.

“You’re the top!
You’re the moon over Mae West’s shoulder”

Cole Porter, ‘You’re The Top’, 1934

The inspiration in more ways than one for both…

Shocking by Schiaparelli

and Femme by Rochas

She used both extensively.

Gabilla would create a Parfum Mae West as early as 1933, without the stars permission.

Whereas Mae wore pretty much anything and everything in her day, her final favourite was rumoured to be...

Youth Dew by Estee Lauder

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

Jane Bowles 1917 – 1973

Writer, playwright, bohemian, muse.
Author of ‘Two Serious Ladies’.
Forgotten genius.

“…the most important writer of prose fiction in modern American letters.”
Tennessee Williams

“…one of the finest modern writers of fiction in any language…”
John Ashberry

Inspration (with her husband and the hotel of the same name) for…

Palais Jamais by Etro

“I am so wily and feminine that I could live by your side for a lifetime and deceive you afresh each day.”

Indira Priyadarshini Gandhi 1917 – 1984

Third Prime Minister of India
First female prime minister of the world’s largest democracy
Leading light of the Non-Aligned Movement and proponent of ‘The Green Revolution’
Victim of assassination

“India’s Iron Lady”
Unattributed

“India’s Greatest Prime Minister”
India Today poll, 2001

Married into the fragrance business.

The family name Ghandi derives from the term for ‘a seller of perfumes’.

“There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there.”

Josephine Baker 1906 – 1975

Dancer, singer, actress, heroine of the French Resistance, civil rights leader, icon, Parisienne.

Recipient of the Croix de Guerre 1939-1945

“The First Black Superstar”
BBC Television Documentary, 2009

What she wore and brought to the world…

“Art is an elastic sort of love.”

Gabrielle “Coco” Bonheur Chanel 1883 – 1971

First Lady of Fashion

One of the 100 Most Important People of the Twentieth Century
Time Magazine, 1999

Picked

Loved

Lived

“A woman who doesn’t wear perfume has no future.”

Eleanor Roosevelt 1884 – 1962

First Lady of New York
First Lady of the United States of America
First Chairman of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights
Co-author of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights
Official Delegate of the Unites States to the United Nations
Chairman of the Presidential Commission on the Status of Women

“The object of almost universal respect”
The New York Times, 1962

Wore…

Muguet des Bois by Coty

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Saluting inspirational women everywhere everyday.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy.

The Perfumed Dandy

22 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Celebrating International Women’s Day: Mae West

Mary Jane”Mae” West 1893 – 1980

Actress, playwright, screenwriter.
Broadway bad girl, Hollywood trailblazer, scourge of the censors.
Crusader for equal pay and status.
Pre feminism proto-post-feminist.
The original sex symbol.

“You’re the top!
You’re the moon over Mae West’s shoulder”

Cole Porter, ‘You’re The Top’, 1934

The inspiration in more ways than one for both…

Shocking by Schiaparelli

and Femme by Rochas

She used both extensively.

Gabilla would create a Parfum Mae West as early as 1933, without the stars permission.

Whereas Mae wore pretty much anything and everything in her day, her final favourite was rumoured to be...

Youth Dew by Estee Lauder

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”

Saluting great women everywhere today and every day

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy.
The Perfumed Dandy

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Remember me… Dioressence by Dior The Perfumed Dandy’s Scented Letter

In her heart she knew that spring was the hopeful season, yet this year it felt, if not cruel, then hard.

It was hard too to let go of the rituals of winter, of early suppers and open fires, sleeping in until darkness ended and of hospital visits without, it seemed then, an end.

But all of that was over.

On a day between those set aside for St David and for other mothers she went to see them open the earth with sharp shop window shiny spades.

She watched the men who serve the dead in their deliberate unhurried work and realised she hadn’t anticipated the smell. She hadn’t known that winter soil disturbed after months of slumber would so surely carry the scent of decay.

Last autumn’s leaves decomposed and mixed with wet grass, grey moss and the year’s first flowers smells simply and unkindly chemical.

In the astringency she sensed an echo of her anguish.

Anguish. She could never use the word at home where she was expected to partition off her pain and move promptly along.

Her mother, people remarked, had lived to a good age.

The wreaths that came contained premature blooms: geraniums, carnations and roses all brought out before their time.

Only she had chosen a spring flower. Her violets spelt out a circle and no name.

Walking from the church, the resins and spices and smoke still surrounding her, the priest’s platitudes still in her ears she was roused from her semi conscious state by the same chemical stench.

Stood by the grave someone handed her a handful of dust.

And in her head a soprano began to sing Purcell.

“When I am laid in earth
am laid in earth
may my wrongs create
no trouble no trouble in thy breast.

“Remember me!
remember me!
but ah!
Forget my fate!”

*************

TS Eliot was wrong you know, it’s not always April that is the cruellest month, it is whichever season that brings sorrow with it.

Dioressence is a terribly sad smell, the smell, in fact, of sorrow.

In the vintage formulation a vertical door of heavy as lead oakmoss serves as an opening.

Aldehydes, unspecified green notes and a slight citrus seek to sanitise and lighten this dark accord but do nothing to soothe its awesome presence.

The interior of the fragrance remains determined by this entrance too, and whilst there are floral elements within: geranium most noticeably, rose, carnation and some structural jasmine, the whole effect remains resolutely patchouli , grassy green and solemn.

The spices, resins and hint of musk that seem to come to the fore for a moment in dry down fade to pianissimo much sooner than the principal notes are done with their song.

The overall effect is magisterial and silencingly beautiful.

Others of course will hear the spring chorus singing nature’s melody in the meadows by the way and perceive the call of procreation and are in their way are quite right too.

Dioressence is substantial enough a piece of work to allow for many readings.

*************

Sorrow does not discriminate between men and women and nor does the springtime, then why should this scent?

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy

The Perfumed Dandy

15 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Of smocks and spliffs… Habanita by Molinard The Perfumed Dandy’s Classic Collection

Reflecting, she finds it easy enough to see how it all became so habit forming.

It seemed such fun at first: diving into deep resinous pools of laughter, smoking reefers with new friends in rooftop courtyards, potted geraniums lining up on tiled walls.

It seemed natural that after a while someone should introduce mystic philosophy and suggest it wasn’t necessary to wash absolutely every day, healthier in fact not to hose down each dawn.

Though, she recalls, it was thought best to at least try and mask the more animal aromas…

A spritz of an antique great uncle’s vetiver here some patchouli oil behind an ear there.

Then the musky smell really wasn’t that bad, quite, well, sexual, really.

Once you got used to it.

Soon, she says distantly, they were floating from room to room quoting Gurdjieff dressed in floor length embroidered kaftans and debating Jung in killim strewn salons.

Someone said, she forgets who now, someone said they should take a six month trip to Tangiers, live on nutmeg flavoured creme brulee and trust funds.

How they laughed and laughed until someone cried out in pain.

Then someone else, oh, she really can’t remember her name: a feminist, always reading de Beauvoir aloud to the group.

“She got very upset about everything, accused someone of wearing leather, which was banned, so we abandoned our plans and made up bouquets of roses we stole from the botanical gardens.”

Happy times.

Where are they now?

A blank distant look, just a hint of something moving behind the eyes…

“Oh, I couldn’t tell you. No idea.”

*************

Habinita Eau de Parfum is the pre existential smell of 1920s bohemian Paris re-imagined by a well meaning West Coast new age commune.

All the rough edges and intellectual rigour knocked off and replaced with a dose of sugared sentimentality and only slightly knowing sexuality.

It’s sophisticated in a long line skirt and short bob cut sort of a way, somewhat marred by a little too much tie dye.

After a quick burst of petitgrain to clear the way at the opening it’s a mainly balmy sweetness in the shape of mastic, vanilla and unsalted amber; spicy nutmeg and assorted woods, especially cedar and sandal, that takes centre stage.

Sure enough there’s a feral element, but the musk doesn’t quite cut the mustard and frankly there’s a bit of a gap where the oakmoss ought to be.

As for the flowers, they prove to be really not that powerful after all, save for a brisk geranium at the beginning that persists a little way into the heart.

Overall it is very long lasting semi-oddity, sure to draw knowing glances, especially from the fully self-actualised.

But one can’t help wishing it was… well, more self confident, brutal and, frankly, odd.

*************

Gender wise?

This is the endless Summer of Love, there’s nothing here that a man in a smock (metaphorically or otherwise) couldn’t get away with.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy

The Perfumed Dandy

14 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Bohemian rhapsody… Feminite du Bois by Serge Lutens The Perfumed Dandy’s Scented Letter

Everyone loved her class because we were allowed to draw with soft dark pencils, practice giant curling handwriting in excitingly large exercise books and generally take a break from the think, think, thinking that the other teachers wanted us to do.

Everyone loved her classroom with its herringbone parquet she insisted be left unpolished so it roughed and scuffed and eventually smelt of the wood it was.

Loved its walls covered in pupils’ work, good and bad, and her own enormous canvases bearing amorphous rectangles in mauves and burgundies and blues that only years later would I understand as post expressionist.

And everyone loved her because she was unlike the others: the teachers, the parents, the people in the village.

She was an un-grown-up version of an adult.

Then there was the smell. The smell we all loved.

To be honest, it was impossible to say where her scent ended and the room’s began.

She was the room and the room an extension of her.

Aside from the floor there wooden desk chairs she’d salvaged when the rest of the school went plastic, trestle tables topped with boards liberated from timber yards and pew boxes salvaged from unwanted chapels.

There were the horse hair and blonde wood brushes for when we were allowed to paint and red cedar boxes full of pastels for Technicolor days.

And there was the sandalwood oil she dabbed behind her ears and said was better than shop bought scent. The oil that she tutored the girls and the willing boys in the ways of wearing.

For still life’s sake there were peaches and plums, never any other fruit, in bowls she talked of having come from North Africa.

Peaches and plums left out in the sun that were always over ripe, just on the point of yielding to rot.

She drank peach nectar too, it was ‘better for you’ and prune juice for the constitution, though what it had to do with history I never knew.

Last of all there were the joss sticks, the smoking vanilla, cinnamon and clove stalks that she surreptitiously smouldered until the day the headteacher caught her.

We always thought that’s why they took her away.

We believed they deprived us of our beloved one for the sake of a few burning sticks.

Only much later would mother let slip that the peach nectar had been found to be laced with schnapps, that the prune juice was damson wine, the joss sticks a clumsy student front for joints and her friendship with student teacher so much more than that.

Of course it didn’t matter. By that point it made me love her even more.

*************

Feminite du Bois by Serge Lutens is a highly sexed and slightly sloshed slice of everyday bohemia.

It dances along the line between near propriety and beyond the pale and ends up firmly planting its big feet on the wrong side of the tracks.

After an early and brief spring of orange blossom and a slightly boozy, on the turn peach, the foliage and fruits give way quickly to the main part of the tree and the backbone of the perfume, the trunk.

This is a fragrance that never fails to get and give good wood.

But we’re not in a forest here, this is the whirling saw dust sand storm of a timber mill, the sculptor’s studio, the joiner’s yard or the dustbin at the front of class where 20 children are simultaneously sharpening pencils over the stones of play time plums.

This is raw wood being cut while the sap is still high.

And the softness in the background, the vanilla, and spices and resins and musk?

They all serve to prove how hard and soaringly high the wood is.

How sad then that all effort is expended so quickly on creating such effect that things must come to so untimely an end.

*************

For a man or woman – as long as you’re a lumberjack, then you’re all right.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy.

The Perfumed Dandy

27 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Confessions of a Seattle summer working girl… Fantasy by Britney Spears The Perfumed Dandy’s Scented Letter

It was supposed to be fun.

It was just for the summer.

They promised sun, sea, sand and…., well if not exactly that then young men.

And what was got? The worst gig in history.

Now, first things first, the sun doesn’t always shine in Seattle, in fact, even in Summer, the sun doesn’t shine that much at all in Seattle.

There’s plenty of sea in Seattle. Oh yes, sea, sea, sea, but no sun and no sand and no one you’d want to … well, no eligible young men.

There is a seafront though. Sorry, waterfront.

By which is meant miles of concrete slab with semi converted fishing piers, punctuated with half hearted attractions and populated by bored tourists and grungy locals.

There are though fish: fish to fish in the sea, fish to watch in an aquarium and fish to eat in fish and chip shops.

There’s a lot of fishy stuff going down in Seattle.

And in the midst of this piscine paradise, there was she, me that is, on Pier 59 between the ‘Crab Pot Seafood Shack’ and the ‘Prospectors’ Place’ bar.

There was I: Queen of Candy at the Seattle Seafront Sugar Stop.

I kid you not.

Each morning I am hoisted into position, wedged in a workspace approximately two feet square between the seedy sources of unsurpassed satisfaction for the sweet-toothed folks of sunless Seattle and their hapless visitors.

Before me a cornucopia of the crudest two cent candy you’re ever likely to see: jellied cola bottles, fake marshmallows (how can you fake a marshmallow?) tropical fruit salads (that have never been within a thousand miles of the tropics or a piece of ‘genuine fruit’) white chocolate flavour, chocolate-shaped, not actually chocolate things, and lots of pink stuff that tastes of fairy farts.

The joy continues.

To my left a ‘Slushy Joy’ station, anyone remember them?

Here a variety of radioactively coloured, toxic tasting, ominous, luminous secret recipe syrups can be summoned into unholy matrimony with smashed ice in the blink of eye to procreate a cold and vile semi-frozen form of fresh torture in flavours such as ‘Pink Litchi’ and ‘Kaleidoscope Kiwi’.

Across from my half melted glacier, the piece de resistance: an ‘I can’t believe it’s not white chocolate’ not white chocolate fountain. Unceasingly slurping a steady scalding sludge of saccharine, corn starch saturated fats , flavours and stabilizer , it is a monstrous and furiously unpleasant smelling, almost volcanically menacing presence.

Between fire and ice you might say.

At this stage I must tell you that it is true what they say, the body does become accustomed, and half hour with this odour and I could smell as little of my surroundings as the proverbial sewer man can of his…

That would be of course if I were left to my own devices and their excreta. Sadly, the Seattle Seafront Sugar Stop, nestled between the Crab Pots Seafood Shack and the Prospectors’ Bar is immediately adjacent to the shared restrooms of these venerable institutions.

I’m not sure if anyone has ever actually wished for the smell of human waste, but when you have experienced the wafts of calypso haze industrial detergent as employed on the half hour, day and night, for the cleaning of said restrooms by the Crab Pots Seafood Shack and the Prospectors’ Bar at Pier 59 on the sunless Seatte waterfront alternating with the aroma of a fraudulent white chocolate fountain, the chocking scent of cheap two cent candy and the radioactively radiant aroma of ‘Pink Litichi Slushy Joy Ice Drinks’ a little human waste would be a blessed relief.

It was the worst of all dead end imitation summer jobs.

It had no opportunities whatsoever for progression or indeed toilet breaks.

Frankly, it stank.

*************

Britney Spears Fantasy it turns out is a sunless, airless, joyless synthetic concoction of a scent.

It is the odour of half-evaporated sugar-saturated alcopop-induced teenage puke melded onto manmade luminous pink fibres and shone on too brightly with a harsh fluorescent light.

It is a fake white chocolate meets genuine industrial tropical fruit flavour bulk bought bleach meets all too real vomit of a fragrance.

In short is it a smell without any, I repeat, any redeeming features.

It doesn’t even have the dignity to disappear that quickly.

It claims, officially, to smell like a cup cake.

It claims, officially, to be a love potion locked up in an attractive bottle.

I can only hope that someone has found an equally attractive fattice bottle big enough to lock up the perfumers of this love potion in, permanently.

I claim, officially, my right never to have smell this again.

************

Man? Woman?

I wouldn’t perfume a permed and pink-rinsed pet poodle with this atrocity.

Yours ever

The Perfumed Dandy.

The Perfumed Dandy

42 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

20 more scents one never knew a man could wear!! The Perfumed Dandy’s Library Catalogue #2

Has The Perfumed Dandy mentioned that since starting out on his amazing adventure in the Wicked Wild West that is the World of Women’s Perfume he has amassed from dear readers an astonishing array of almost 500 suggestions of once forbidden ‘female fragrances’ that you consider fit for a gentleman to wear?

Well, The Dandy has most certainly mentioned it now!

Being ever one to share both the love and the wisdom, I have taken it upon myself to spread cognisance of these suggested scents far and wide each Saturday.

Such is the premise of our weekly peek inside the The Perfume Dandy’s Library Catalogue.

What follows is the second installment of ’20 scents one never knew a man could wear’ that may tickle either your fancy or your funny bone…

If you would like to further the cause of one of the fragrances, getting it a step closer to the dizzying heights of The Perfumed Dandy’s Hit Parade kindly respondez-vous to this post.

Alternatively if you believe you have the perfect perfume for The Dandy but can’t see it listed below simply visit ‘Suggest a new scent or recommend an old one’ to put the name forward.

Allons-y!!

1. Parfums de Nicolaï Le Temps d’une Fête

2. Serge Lutens Rose de Nuit

3. Serge Lutens La Myrrhe

4. Tauer Perfumes Zeta

5. Tauer Perfumes 02 L`Air du Desert Marocain

6. Mona di Orio Nuit Noire

7. Ormonde Jayne Ormonde Woman

8. Chanel Les Exclusifs de Chanel No 22

9. Chanel Les Exclusifs de Chanel 31 Rue Cambon

10. Robert Piguet Visa

11. Calvin Klein Euphoria

12. Hugo Boss Deep Red

13. Serge Lutens Clair de Musc

14. Robert Piguet Baghari

15. By Kilian Beyond Love

16. Lancome Poeme

17. Trussardi Donna Trussardi

18. Satellite Padparadscha

19. Issey Miyake L’eau d’Issey

20. Bvlgari Jasmin Noir

Well I say, black and white to finish and practically everything else in between before!!

I know I’m repeating myself but… If you would like to further the cause of one of the fragrances, getting it a step closer the dizzying heights of The Perfumed Dandy’s Hit Parade kindly respondez-vous to this post.

Alternatively if you believe you have the perfect perfume for The Dandy but can’t see it listed below simply visit ‘Suggest a new scent or recommend an old one’ to put the name forward.

15 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized